I’ve always been the loving only-daughter in my family, and I used to be able to say that I absolutely love my family more than anything. People would say, “My gosh your family’s so close” or things like, “I wish I had a family like yours” and I would smile at them and say, “I know you do.”
But maybe it’s a part of adolescence.
Maybe it’s a part of growing up.
It’s probably puberty.
In any case, my feelings towards my family has changed, and as much as I feel guilty about it, I don’t know how to control it.
Recently, it was my birthday and it’s only natural that as I grow up, I learn to spend more time with my friends during special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. And don’t get me wrong, I had an amazing time with my friends, who surprised me with birthday cakes and presents, and honestly, it was the best birthday yet.
However, I did feel quite guilty knowing that my parents were home, waiting for me to come home and for their turn to wish me a happy birthday.
It’s a really hard balance to maintain, especially during your adolescence, when you have to weigh your friends and your family and put priorities.
The choice is even harder because in reality, it could be a lot more fun to hang out with your friends than spend some time with your family whom you’re always with. However, in your heart, you always know that your parents are the ones who think of you first and love you no matter what.
Also, my inner desire to become independent and act alone has kept me from completely following my parents’ orders and from facing them directly. Recently, I can’t help but to feel that sometimes, my mom scolding me for the smallest things like keeping the window open at night or saying rude remarks like my bad grades at my cram school keep her from having any right to say anything to the teachers really disturb me. Staying at home and listening to her nag on and on about things really bring my motivation and feelings down and it’s definitely not a good cycle that I’m in right now.
Hopefully God will be with me through all this help me find peace within me.